Working towards being a better me

This summer has been such a blast having the freedom to do whatever the kids and i want to do over the break. We have had a lot of picnics, hikes, bike rides, trips to the pool and museum, and have grown closer as we are building these memories together. Although I am the nanny of three wonderful kids, I feel like family.

With each moment the kids and I bond and grow more attached, I have to step back and remind myself that this can’t last forever. Eventually I will graduate and get a legit job and have to say goodbye. I really don’t know how I can do that though, a part of me will feel guilty because I left them feeling abandoned as a big part of their life disappeared. I guess I really don’t want them to have the abandonment issues i have from my adolescence. I’m just so afraid of hurting the kids in order to take the next step in my life.

On the other hand, I will feel relieved to not have a working-from-home-mom to scrutinize the things I do incorrectly. With her I feel like I am not trusted, she doesn’t think I have the kids best interest in mind and am being selfish. It’s frustrating coming to work each day and trying to walk on eggshells so I don’t upset my hypocritical boss.